Breaking News Archive

  • January 2012

  • Diabetic Tony Hibbert reveals a very sweet strike could kill him
  • Partially submerged Le Tissier blamed for sinking cruise ship
  • Speeding Waddle issued with pelanty notice
  • Bebe inspired by Pato Banton to return from loan spell
  • Madame Tussauds spokesman claims Andy Carroll waxwork will be turned into Vernon Kay
  • Burridge: "Sturridge has courage"
  • Sourpuss Ched Evans refuses to refer to son as 'mini Cheddars'
  • Comic fan Ray Wilkins says Clark Kent is a "super young man"
  • Redknapp tells friends he's excited to have his picture done by a courtroom artist
  • Returning Henry disappointed to see the long socks look still hasn't caught on
  • Unfit Rosicky reverts to "quite big Mozart" nickname
  • Andy Carroll admits even he is now finding it all quite funny
  • Tearful Andy Burton admits two of his phones are pay as you go
  • Unemployed Bruce reluctantly surrenders Carthage during gripping game of Civilization 2
  • Tevez: "I used to like Lazio but recently I've been getting really Inter Milan"
  • David Moyes suddenly remembers that transfers are allowed after forgetting for five years
  • Gilette and Wilkinson's Sword battle it out for Neil Ruddock endorsement
  • Wacky Balotelli claims bees control his thoughts
  • Hughes begins QPR overhaul by employing Kia Joorabchian as highly-paid director of mascots

  • December 2011

  • Concerned pals say flamboyant former agent Eric Hall is still saying "monster" a lot
  • Bury manager blames poor home form on lack of Gigg Lane mentality
  • Coventry to enter summer festivals market to boost popularity in 15-20 indie fan demographic
  • Tickets still available for Keys and Gray's 12-night run at O2 arena
  • Phil tries to show he's as good as Gary with detailed tactical re-arrangement of fridge magnets
  • Borussia Mönchengladbach glad to be back in Gladbach
  • Alex Ferguson calls for winter break in the middle of an empty forest, does it make a sound?
  • Port Vale fined for silly name
  • Facebook's "like" button sustains damage after overuse on Gary Neville fan page
  • Alex-Oxlade Chamberlain frustrates tabloid headline writers with unfairly long name
  • Panorama investigation discovers Scottish football is still going

  • October 2011

  • Steve Bruce "fed up" with unreliable Last FM scrobbles
  • Balotelli: "T-shirt was my Knebworth. Where do I go from here?"
  • Sad Sven vows to finish what he started at Leicester on new Football Manager
  • Race row escalates as Anton Ferdinand admits he didn't realise 'honky' was offensive
  • Left-wing Bundesliga fans occupy stadium of St Pauli
  • Confused Giggs reads fake Twitter account, can't recall typing out tweets
  • Football League apologise after Andy Johnson paints Trophy
  • York City crisis over after Lincolnshire sends in spare bibs
  • Joe to Mancini: "I Hart Man City first choice goalie role"
  • Gerry Francis announces film version of his bestseller We Need To Talk About Kevin Gallen

  • September 2011

  • Mike Ashley relieved Sports Direct was too rubbish to be targeted in riots
  • Walcott admits chapter on 'a list of other people who are also really fast' was "filler at best"
  • Garry Cook livid after staff hack his Bebo acoount
  • Wenger admits he hasn't heard of half his signings
  • QPR in hot water for illegal Westfield vouchers Beckham approach
  • Arteta loses friends quickly for suggesting Arsenal should shoot sometimes
  • Da Silva twins file for divorce
  • Tinie Tempah "right behind" non-league day, say pals
  • Noel Whelan: "To be honest I prefer Rugby League"
  • McCarthy worried that Rugby World Cup will overshadow Wolves' good start

  • August 2011

  • Redknapp worried about fixture pile-up after weekend off
  • Premier League warned it will turn into a dour Scottish manager if it keeps on employing them
  • Conor Sammon: The irony is, I hate fish
  • Gervinho lights up opening weekend of top flight football with haircut
  • Jordi Gomez: The irony is, I've hated Gomez ever since Liquid Skin
  • Casual football fan admits shame at not being able to name Swansea manager
  • Starkey 'hiding out in Big Ron's Spanish villa complex', say pals
  • Injured Ferdinand looking forward to a week of Takeshi's Castle
  • Phelan to continue working in football after "disappointing" A-level results
  • Arsenal admit to accidental signing of Keane's Tim Rice-Oxley

  • June 2011

  • Osman set for Bosman to Poznan
  • Cash-strapped Plymouth to show repeats of 04-05 season instead of fulfilling next year's fixtures
  • Modric to stand trial for war crimes in Hague after UN secretary's typing error
  • Brady breaks off from Apprentice duties for lunchtime pint and ploughman's with Allardyce
  • Drogba advises transfer speculation should be brought to boil in July, then allowed to simmer
  • Blatter denies Nike's bribery claims over World Cup bib rights
  • Brighton’s new stadium becomes first English ground to ban half time sales of mince
  • Demba Ba named East London’s trendiest nightspot
  • Giggs: “I’ve never cheated on United in nearly 20 years”
  • Martin Jol mocked after first Fulham interview for adopting English accent
  • Xavi: "I miss Zavvi"

  • May 2011

  • Clarke defends claim being tackled by someone you know isn't as bad as a "classic tackle"
  • Ken Clarke slammed for claim that some two footed tackles are worse than others
  • Giggs tells teammates Craig is now his favourite ever Big Brother contestant
  • Leicester City fans angry after keeper's poor form leaves 'Weale's on fire' chant on backburner
  • Free agent Quashie savours season without relegation
  • Zebroski: "Ha-ppy Tor-quay, Tor-quay, Happy Torq"
  • Torres confesses UK Gold re-runs of 'Bread' have helped his English but affected his form
  • Crooks slated for 'living in the past' after including Ardilles & Regis in team of the season
  • Wigan celebrate safety by wearing seatbelts on slow moving open top bus trip
  • Lady Gaga stuns MTV Awards with bizarre Forest 95/96 yellow away kit
  • League Two play-off push victims Gillingham fall over
  • Crawley pledge to "mess shit up" in League Two next season
  • Man City adopt Pink Panther theme in honour of Roberto Mancini's father, Henry
  • Mid 90s nostalgics pray for successful Nottingham Forest play-off push
  • Norwich ordered to tone down luminosity of shirt to protect Premier League image rights
  • Tired Stelling asks Phil Thompson if he can beat seven letters
  • Nicky Shorey sells sea shells on the seashore
  • Tired Stelling asks dictionary corner for latest from Anfield
  • Brentford celebrate AV referendum day with first past the goalpost race
  • Irate Ferguson promises to "thump" next person who tells him Bin Laden joke

  • April 2011

  • Torres plays down link to unpopular Tories, calls similarity in names "coincidence"
  • Alex Ferguson credits his longevity to Shredded Wheat and a pint of whisky before bed
  • League one fan Tinchy Stryder has "been to Southampton but never been to Scunthorpe"
  • Gretna reported missing after failing to turn up to SPL games for 4 years
  • Tevez translator 'will be sorry' for subtle future tense April Fool
  • Goals on Sunday set for move to Thursday after complaints from religious pressure groups
  • 95/96 title race to somehow inspire Muse concept album about outer space
  • QPR promotion party on hold after Warnock admits he hates cake and streamers
  • Gazza's latest spell of sobriety sees daftness metaphor downgraded to 'rake'
  • Dozens injured in M6 fixture pile-up
  • Scholes and Neville retroactively banned from Eastlands after last year's passionate kiss
  • Adebayor admits disappointment at dreadlocks being confiscated at customs
  • Porto & Benfica sold to Bundesliga as part of Eurozone bailout deal
  • Redknapp to do series of interviews about impending court case to distract from Madrid result
  • Connor Wickham : "I'd snog midtable, marry the playoffs and avoid Roy Keane"
  • Dean Ashton shopped by benefit fraud officer after over exuberant beach kickabout
  • Chicarito : "I can be bigger than The Poddington Peas"
  • Eddie Howe passes 5 GCSEs at Grade C or above
  • Balotelli confesses to Toure drug test prank
  • Stern John Terry reminds houseguest Stern John ‘stay out of my trophy room’
  • Assistant managers in Yorkshire warn bibs might run out by Christmas

  • March 2011

  • Gillingham chairman finally admits that Kent is awful
  • North Yorks hit by critical bibs shortage
  • Emirates stadium incapable of flight, clarifies Wenger
  • James Milner distances himself from this generation's David Batty tag
  • Relaxed Houllier smokes gigantic marijuana cigarette before games, say pals
  • Hadjuk split breaks heart of Croatian football romantics
  • Owen Hargreaves suffers injury setback as runny nose rules him out for further 6 months
  • Upson distressed at "naff" Vauxhall logo adorning England training kit
  • Manic Street Preachers pull out of Wales match after discovering football's link to money
  • Manic Street Preachers named official band of Wales v England qualifier
  • Soccer Saturday vows to stamp out use of "twatted" as synonym for "kicked"
  • Liverpool messiah Dalglish "very naughty boy", says wife
  • Man Utd players offered discount at Dimitar Barbershop
  • Barcelona "just showing off now" according to survey of Spaniards
  • Bebe : "I was named after a tiny Scottish child"
  • Scales says Redknapp is "full of shit" on return from calamitous Thomas Cook holiday
  • Lord Coe: "Football is shit"
  • Scunthorpe to wear retro Global Hypercolour shirt in next game as tribute to the 90s
  • David Beresford finally takes down "Find Maddie" poster from outside house, has little cry
  • Wenger admits smirk at Rice's "Lehmann's terms" gag during goalkeeper contract talks

  • February 2011

  • Callous Strachan admits he doesn't care about plight of Africa
  • Bullard: "Whatever happened to Deep Blue Something?"
  • Roy Keane: "The Nations Cup can stick itself up its bollocks"
  • Hodgson incurs more Liverpool wrath by stating his preference for West Bromwich wit
  • Pardew, Ashley and Kuqi equally baffled by Kuqi's arrival at Newcastle
  • Torres seeks Celtic move to resurrect career
  • Torres and Sutton "talking every day"
  • Torres "losing sleep" over Sutton comparisons
  • John scales back "John Scales back" viral-marketing campaign
  • Freddie Ljungberg ate my hamster
  • Efan Ekoku: "I can't remember the last time I bought a Toffee Crisp"
  • Tragedy hits Harchester as fourth plane crash in as many years kills entire squad. Again
  • Jimmy Greaves still alive, according to reports
  • Wayne Bridge sprinkles powdered blood diamonds on his Shredded Wheat, say pals
  • Ameobi blames Newcastle "goldfish bowl" atmosphere for his terrible memory
  • Gary Megson takes charge of Birmingham match as hilarious prank
  • Luis Suarez docked week's wages for messing up keep-ups during press photo call
  • Phil Neville "delighted" with first press coverage in years after Tottenham interest
  • Torres: "Chance to wear lovely blue shirt too good to turn down"
  • Andy Carroll sent home from first day of training after admitting he hates the Lightning Seeds

  • January 2011

  • German FA on bookies' favourite for next manager: "I can't believe it's not Schuster"
  • Roberto Mancini reacts to wife's incorrect golf gift: "I can't believe it's not putter"
  • Beckham blasts Tottenham training regime: "I can't believe it's not better"
  • Owen Hargreaves injured according to Wikileaks
  • Sporting Lisbon praised for returning ball after injury to opposition player
  • Steve Harkness "thrilled" at Cast reunion tour news
  • MySpace redesign "doing absolutely nothing" for Alan Pardew
  • Terry Butcher "apoplectic" at Premier League snood developments
  • Marc's promising start to season honoured with Albrighton the night event
  • Beckham banned from touching bibs, cones, and balls in smallprint of Spurs loan deal

  • December 2010

  • Allardyce chooses return of Margret to The Apprentice as his highlight of 2010
  • Michael delighted after Scholes names Last Christmas his favourite festive song
  • Police to investigate whereabouts of Carlos Tevez's dummy
  • Rueful Lawrenson: "My moustache won't grow back"
  • Charlton: "Suzanne is a lovely daughter but she fucked up over warm front prediction"
  • Spontaneous silence breaks out during minute’s applause for unpopular ex-Coventry player
  • Walcott: “I love Arshavin’s little beaver face”
  • Ludo Mikloško admits that he's always preferred Boggle
  • "'Meeelan' - that's how you say it," argues James Richardson during espresso-fuelled rant
  • Dario Gradi "sick of the sight" of cones

  • November 2010

  • Owen: "I don't mind being on the bench, I love big warm coats"
  • Townsend children to father: “Daddy, why did you sleep on the sofa?”
  • Wife responds to Townsend: “You only tell me you love me after a well-worked set piece”
  • Townsend accuses wife: “You only want me for my tactical nous”
  • Plymouth pin hopes on 'whip rounds' to solve financial crisis
  • Hughton praises Joey Barton for 'knowing where the gaol is'
  • Pele: “I like Nicky Butt and I cannot lie”
  • Pranked Lennon: “Bhoys will be Bhoys”
  • Courts rule that Bob Wilson is now legally owned by Arsenal
  • Pat Bonner laughs off racism claims over nickname
  • Wimbledon quarantined with cup fever
  • Moyes plays down club's Yobo culture
  • Ledley King reduced to training alone in a vacuum
  • "Next goal wins," says hopeful Allardyce
  • Toshack: “Whatever happened to Ricki Lake?”
  • Rob Green: "On reflection I probably should have saved it"
  • Ian Walker emerges from pirate hostage trauma unhurt but bald
  • Barwick "bit more chirpy" after receiving stag invite from Harry
  • Bitter Barwick: "That is the last time I get him free tickets to Villa Park"
  • Barwick "livid" after receiving evening do only invite from Will and Kate

  • October 2010

  • Queudrue and McCarthy revealed as the new faces of Frankie and Bennies
  • "Players nowadays are too handsome" complains Mellor
  • Almunia foil Fabianski denies cling film prank
  • Debt-ridden Pompey consider selling man with bell to NASA
  • Replica bibs market tops £100m for first time
  • “Teams change bibs too often,” say concerned fans groups
  • Bib sales in Far East paid for Tevez, argue City
  • Fan groups condemn City’s new away bib
  • Tired, confused Giggs 'only playing out of habit now' claims mother
  • Apollo 13 catchphrase made me feel wanted, admits Stewart Houston
  • Revolutionary new Adidas boot to have three tongues
  • Tearful Gazza picks Spurs 1991 Cup Final line-up for first game in charge of Garforth
  • WWI trenches match retrospectives get earlier every year, say shoppers
  • League One closed due to planned engineering works
  • Hansen: "Pace, power, strength, technique, vision..."
  • Topless Newcastle fans pray for mild winter
  • Hansen: "...agility, force, glamour, meat, golf..."
  • Grant still baffled about which is Gold and which is Sullivan
  • Hansen: "...sport, milk, beards, shops, life",
  • Audley Harrison "excited" ahead of Hawthornes fight for WBA Championship of the World

  • September 2010

  • Duff finally admits amusing nickname was Fulham's main selling point
  • Heroic Ngog saves nine in oil rig disaster
  • Accrington game postponed after clubshop’s Panorama appearance
  • Phil Brown now more unpopular than Hitler, veal and Stan Collymore
  • United deny Pogba was signed to sell shirts to naive Ivorians
  • "Some of my best friends are fourth officials" pleads desperate Bruce
  • Merson sparks new arson fears with Castrol GTX purchase
  • Phil Brown’s skin now warm enough to cook an egg, say boffins
  • Giggs shows age by referring to team socks as stockings
  • Big Ron: "What's more, they smell of spices"

  • August 2010

  • Bashin and Claridge embarrassed at Crimewatch mix up
  • Bobby Robson Newcastle return rumour lacks substance says Ashley
  • Neville: Daily Star's team of the week selection is a "farce" week in week out
  • Family sections explode into nation's conciousness
  • Scholes admits "weird nostalgia" for happy slapping craze
  • FA admit single typo led to years of the words "team" and "England" being used in wrong order
  • Merson "desperate" for Fighting Talk call up
  • Moyes: "Donovan price tag means I'll never listen to Mellow Yellow again"
  • Quashie admits exuberant buy-up of Ocado shares "naive"
  • League One announces that goals count double this season
  • Accrington Stanley finally admit they reformed for the money
  • City reveal plans for wing back allotment to conform to homegrown player rules
  • Pope in hot water after backing Rangers for SPL title
  • BBC deny new Football Focus studio based on the inside of a Lucozade bottle
  • Rooney winning his fight against baldness, claims Giggs
  • Milk marketing board admit sales "didn't really fall that much" when Cup sponsorship ended
  • Norwich squad "baffled" by Inception after Orange Wednesday
  • Blackpool scrap plans for iPad app
  • Managers call for summer break
  • Redknapp "disappointed" by Obama snub during American tour

  • July 2010

  • Butchers applaud Holland's 'meaty' challenges, bemoan general decline in genre
  • Leaked government documents conclusively prove that Ray Stubbs is a woman
  • Worried Bruce forbids Sunderland squad from playing new violent videogame

  • June 2010

  • Manics fan Essien: "I am stronger than Mensah"
  • Front portion of Shearer's head "begging for death" says friend
  • Slovakia return home to find Czech Republic has expanded by 18 per cent
  • Dutch kitman despairs at Dirk Kuyt's tendency to run his socks off during games
  • South Korea to be renamed SKorea for next tournament to stress goal threat
  • World Cup voted best ever for foul throws
  • USA to Ghana: "Baseball rematch?"
  • Shamed architect admits real giraffes provide structural integrity for Mbombela Stadium
  • Corden: "I love footy"
  • Feuding French pinpoint Monopoly argument as moment tournament turned sour
  • England players admit dressing room banter is not as fluent at international level
  • Townsend admits only hearing about Apartheid on way to airport
  • ITV and BBC studios plan Walk this Way-style World Cup Final mash up
  • Defiant Davids: "I just really, really like street soccer"
  • Domenech: "I may be many things, but I am not ..."
  • Sensitive South Africans ask NZ’s All Whites to change nickname
  • Miniature flag wholesalers enjoy biennial boost to self-esteem
  • Man behind brick-by-brick fussball "just wants to be left alone" after intense media attention
  • Capello bans any reference to Three Lions after memories of childhood safari horror resurface
  • Sun newspaper apologises after pitiful Rob Green/BP spill pun
  • Misplaced joke about eyesight puts end to short lived Lawrenson Davids affair
  • BBC and ITV furious over burgeoning friendship between Lawrenson and Davids
  • Davids and Lawrenson bond over downbeat half time assessments
  • Beeb bosses warn Lawrenson relentless sarcasm not in keeping with spirit of World Cup
  • Vieira bunkers down in ITV studio to escape angry Italians after trophy fiasco
  • FIFA blame empty seats on untested turnstile systems
  • Sven: “All this talk of dark horses is turning me on”
  • Yaya Toure: “What he said”
  • Kolo Toure: “We are the dark horse’s dark horse’s dark horse”
  • Drogba: “Dark horses tag is a f*cking disgrace”
  • England players relax with game of Yahtzee, Barry scores impressive 3 of a kind
  • Brolin: "Who remembers Mountain Dew? Not me"
  • Strictly judges give tournament opening goal celebration 9 out of 10
  • Holland players row over rowing machine
  • Barry Horne. More to follow ...
  • Mandela: “It’s no Rugby World Cup, that’s all I’m saying”
  • ITV predicts record viewers for Bongo Bongo Land v FSRO Bulimia
  • Walcott tells of his LOLs after Rio merked himself
  • Millichip: I don’t even know how I would do that with 64 numbered balls
  • Littlejohn to stop paying license fee until Millichip has right to reply
  • Millichip: I was humiliated by Boyle’s sick Mock the Week skit
  • Platinum Stars await boost in FIFA rankings
  • Darren bent on success for new self-help book Darren Bent: on success
  • Joe Cole to star in TV movie Contract Rebel Without A Clause
  • Boothroyd blames League One deprivation for Coventry move
  • Scottish primary school curriculum to include detailed explanation of how SPL works next year
  • Poyet bemoans loss of Wake Up To Wogan, slams Evans
  • Surly Sol in shock Come Dine With Me outburst: "I hate cooking"
  • Barry attributes midfield rhythm to childhood drumming lessons
  • Aiwa confirmed as official World Cup sponsor for contested drop balls
  • Socrates: "Near post and far post just a case of perspective"
  • Value of Polish keepers plunges to lowest point since war
  • Replica referee shirts not shifting as fast as we'd hoped, say FA
  • L’Oreal furious as David Ginola admits “I’ve always been a Timotei man”
  • McClaren: "I made Barry and I will destroy him"
  • FA 'wants answers' in Scunthorpe illegal socks farce
  • Primary school in Ashford, Kent, quarantined with World Cup fever

  • May 2010

  • Tony Currie: "What's for dinner?"
  • Cantona cool on Katona marriage talk
  • Confused mob of tabloid readers burn down house of Arsenal youth scout
  • FIFA to probe Jon Stead
  • Ambient krautrockers Tangerine Dream announce tour on back of Blackpool promotion headlines
  • Standard Liege players: “We’re sick of being average”
  • Laws plots big money swoop for ace (of diamonds) in celebrity poker tournament
  • Goalscoring angler Tevez: “I love netting”
  • Kop fears over Aquilani's Deacon Blue obsession
  • Carrick teams up with brother Paul for Michael And The Mechanics Haiti single
  • Savage slams cheap biscuits in controversial ghosted column
  • England badge lions speak out: “only one of us is gay”
  • Lineker killing himself in search for perfect pun say concerned family
  • New cross-bred footballer footballer Ze Roberto Carlos Tevez unveiled by Swiss scientists
  • Carragher blames "bad influence" Fowler for his early England retirement
  • Unpopular Tottenham reserve sent to Coventry
  • Nicky Butt “desperate” for fourth series of Gavin & Stacey
  • Leon Best claims blood link to George in bid to boost career
  • Mark Bright: “Ian Wright? He’s alright!”
  • Windass to school surname bullies: “Where are you now?”
  • Saint: “Greavsie is a bastard”
  • Roo: “Lamps!” Lamps: “Roo?” Roo: “Nothing”
  • Atletico: "we are the real Madrid"
  • ET: "Steve Stone, phone home. Your wife is very worried"
  • Mike Phelan’s shorts given 15 certificate
  • Paul Bracewell bags well-taken brace in Computers For Schools charity match
  • South African directors ready themselves for summer of commentator abuse
  • Jedward to star as Neville brothers in new TV movie
  • Sir Alex: "why does no-one call me 'Alec' anymore?"
  • Preston North End plan to retain maiden name after marriage
  • L’Oreal furious as David Ginola admits “I’ve always been a Timotei man”
  • Allardyce: “Macs are just PCs for ponces”
  • ITV demands 9pm watershed on stepovers
  • Paul Whitehouse 'Green Army' ad can cure cancer with its hilarity, claim boffins
  • Scales issues 'football, come and get me' plea

  • April 2010

  • Football world mourns favourite son Ndah
  • Report reveals one in three recession-hit League 2 sides still training without balls
  • Melchester's Roy in race row
  • Carew's love of conkers upsets Villa shirt sponsor Acorns
  • Stern John’s condition upgraded to passive
  • Economists issue warning over low half-volley to volley exchange rate
  • Santa Cruz chooses Pete Best as City players bond over Beatles Rock Band session
  • Faulty hard drive forces Total Network Solutions to retire from league
  • Lamps is to Rafa as Roo is to ???? Answer next week!
  • Ardilles apologises to Clough family for 'Big'eaded woman' jibe
  • Tigana toothpick confirmed for National Football Museum
  • Cautious BBC censor “exuberant” Mark Bright
  • DJ Campbell livid at Manumission mix up
  • ITV release picture of what missing Venison may now look like
  • Alison Moyet mimed at Euro 96 National Anthem rehearsal, claims Le Saux
  • Capello unease over Rooney solo album plans
  • Messi plays down Dorigo uncle rumours
  • Boot cleaning mix-up claims lives of seven Boro trainees
  • Worries for Hurst after conversation without Boys of '66 reference
  • Rush and Aldridge settle Chuckle Brothers plagiarism case
  • Grown men spotted rediscovering joys of playing with sponge ball in Barnsley car park
  • Mike Phelan's apocalypse predictions a cry for attention, say experts
  • Business: Misty-eyed Southampton supporters keeping Dell computers afloat
  • Recycling fan Hansen: "You don't bin anything with lids"
  • Sterland disappointed with placing in Channel 4’s Top 100 fullbacks
  • Pallister on Goldeneye capture the flag defeat: "I blame myself"
  • Fashanu: "PC Brigade would have liked my skin more than Wisey's"
  • Lee Catermole to front “Shingles – it’s no joke” health campaign
  • Tim Gudgin held as Pools Panel found in watery grave
  • China crisis club saved by fans of 80s new wave band
  • Fergie: "Bayern players were polite and friendly - typical Germans"
  • After sitting through all nine seasons in one go, Grimsby youngster claims to "get" Seinfeld
  • Grown-up Paul Scholes regrets pulling silly face for Merlin Premier League '95 sticker album
  • Arsenal v Barcelona clash named greatest achievement of the human race
  • Beasant: "PC Brigade would make a modern-day Crazy Gang a health and safety nightmare"
  • "Chip fires kill" warns Ince
  • Wise: "PC Brigade would have called Crazy Gang the Mentally Challenged Group"
  • Quinton Fortune favours the brave
  • Nice guy Zola offers Pompey some of West Ham’s points
  • Referees to be given louder whistle for handballs
  • Exeter Newcastle groundshare rumours a "mix up"