Round Ups

24-Hour Bundesliga Rhound-Up

The sophomore 24-Hour Bundesliga season kicks off at 0400 hours on Saturday, as teams compete around the clock to rack up as many points as possible within a 24 hour period. Unlike other European Union leagues, Vierundzwanzig Stunde Bundesliga (wie es in Deutschland bekannt, naturlich) places a heavy emphasis on efficient use of the German road network in order to complete as many fixtures as possible, in addition to footballing ability.

Last season Mergen Mergen famously wrapped up the title at 0315 thanks to South African international Hamish Beetle’s late strike away at 1860 Autobahn, giving Captain Rémi Garde a record 17th trophy in German football. How Arsene Wenger must regret releasing him on a free transfer to Team Ruhrrrr way back in 1999!

This year’s hot favourites T-Mobile Luftwaffe start on the road with a tricky trip to Totally Dortmund and will have to do without one half of their prolific Jurgen & Jurgen strikeforce, as Jurgen Ersatz is suspended until 0723 due to last season’s double sendings off at Anneka Hamburg and F.C. Beer Hall Putsch.

In other intriguing games Lawrie Sanchez makes an emotional return to Hertz Vonderbust, the Cologne-based side he managed on a part-time basis for 13 years. Sanchez’s new club Sporting Belsen have already courted controversy with their hyper-inflative transfer policy, and can expect no favours from Sanchez’s former club who are now co-managed by beanpole striker Carsten Jancker and Frank A. Olsen (C.E.O of Hertz Car Rental).

Vonderbust themselves have made some intriguing signings, the pick of which is former Glasgow Rangers defender Richard Gough, who was lured out of retirement by his old friend and current Vonderbust midfield lynchpin Denilson. The ex-Real Betis samba star spent a short loan spell at Blackpool under Gough’s tenure 2 seasons ago, winning (new) rave reviews from Klaxons frontman Jamie Reynolds – a celebrity season ticket holder at Bloomfield Road.

Reynolds – who once had a trial at Energie Cottbus, can be expected at the Stephen Dorffmeister Stadium all day Saturday, as newly promoted A.F.C. Lufthansa Town United unveil a multi-million Rentenmark sponsorship deal with the dance music pioneers Kraftwerk. But Reynolds will have to be patient, as a mix-up by the fixture computer means the Munich Airport-based outfit won’t be playing their first home game until around 1058 EBT (Eastern Bloc Time) when a determined Nuremberg side come marching into town.

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