Round Ups

FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round

Orpington & Friends caused the biggest upset in the FA Cup fourth qualifying round this weekend, with a 3-2 victory against Conference side Carp. Carp twice went ahead through owner-player-manager John Carp, only for Friends substitute Trevor Bayliss to bring the Chartwell House Division Three North side level. His captain Koran Karpenter fired home a late winner to cause scenes of jubilation at the 450 capacity Cheryl Baker Stadium off Junction 17 of the M25.

Walsall-based Carp (a team consisting of solely one family) were left fuming at referee Mike Leech’s decision to allow the winner to stand, despite Muslim striker Karpenter appearing to be offside by at least six cubits.

John Carp described the decision as “political correctness gone mad!” and said he was “livid” and “distraught” but not “surprised” nor “bothered” to be “missing out” on a first round “trip” to “Oldham”.

Elsewhere Gravesend & Northfleet & Ebbsfleet hammered amateur Norfolk outfit Gaviscon 9-0 to secure a first round glamour tie at Cheltenham, with former Whaddon Road favourite Sherell Crowe bagging a first half brace.

Elsewhere Scottish striker Arnie Lennox scored the only goal of the game as Gateshead YMCA upset Conference North pacesetters Whalley Range Spartan Carpets.

The highest scoring game of the day came at Yoplait Street where controversial non-league referee Mike Shinoda, famous for officiating while wearing a motorcycle helmet, presided over a 6-6 draw between Torbay and Harrogate Scorpio, despite Scorpio playing 60 minutes with only nine men due to a miscount.

There were no such problems in Hertfordshire as Conference South big guns Welwyn Garden Roaring Tigers dispatched Trilby 4-1 with the lone Hatters goal coming from part-time police marksman Colin Ratchett.

The Tigers will face Saab in an all non-league tie after the Swedish-run motor company defeated Lokomotiv Clapham Junction 3-0 with a hat-trick from Brazilian goal sensation Jeff.

Finally, there was success on the pitch for former Commonwealth Games triple jump sensation Julian Golley who scored on his debut for Rutland Invicta as they came from behind to beat Merseysiders F.C. Scaffold, who are currently managed by Southampton legend Steve Wigley.

The Ruts progress to their first ever appearance in the FA Cup first round, after being deprived six years ago due to a hosepipe ban in the Rutland area. Their reward will be a money spinning away tie at unbeaten Chester Zoo, who are the only side remaining in the competition who play their home games within the grounds of a zoo.

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