Round Ups

Mascots

What a week’s it’s been for England’s mascots! The national team cruised to a 4-0 win away to a Belgian side made up primarily of part-timers, while at home the transfer market has caught fire.

In Belgium Monsieur Dr Le Foot, the Genk mascot famous for his slightly-oversized gloves, couldn’t do anything to stop the formidable English strikeforce of Gunnersaurus Rex and Tottenham Cock bagging a brace apiece, at Stade TinTin, Bruges.

It was pleasing for all mascot fans to see Rex and Cock put their club-level differences aside and finally prove that they can play together for the national XI. Much-criticised manager World Cup Willie will be delighted that utilising Gunnersaurus as a target man paid off so handsomely, thanks mainly to the supply from pacy wingers, Crystal Palace’s Eddie The Eagle and Reading’s Humorous Pan-Racial Reading Mascot Entertainment Figure.

Back home, Notts County boss Ian McParland admits it will be hard for the League Two side to hang on to precocious youngster Massive Magpie who has been attracting attention from Newcastle after a blistering season. Magpie successfully provoked 17 opposition players into swearing at him and, in a streak without equal in the English leagues, is yet to make a confused young fan cry as a result of his grotesque, larger-than-life appearance.

McParland said: “Massive is a young mascot, and while we think he will be best served learning his trade with us, he obviously wants to challenge himself at the highest level. We’ve all heard the rumours about a re-colouring job and a move to Cardiff, but I can categorically state we have not had an approach.”

Meanwhile QPR’s R-dvard has received the dreaded vote of confidence from new boss Iain Dowie. After saving just one of the last 10 penalties he has faced from young fans, the furry custodian had been rumoured to be leave Loftus Road to be replaced by veteran Italia 90 mascot and international playboy Ciao who is a close friend of QPR owner Flavio Briatore and was seen taking in a game at Loftus Road recently with girlfriend Linda Evangelista.

Finally it is congratulation to Millwall’s Fucking Big Lion who won Mascot Writer’s Mascot of the Year at a boozy dinner at Shoreditch House earlier this week. The less said about his acceptance speech the better.

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