Round Ups

Scandinavia

After the obligatory 10 month winter break, the 2007/8 Lurpak Scandinavian League resumed this Tuesday, pitting the best teams from Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Sweden, Norway, and Lapland against one another.

In their quest to retain the title, Swedish pacesetters ISA Cyborg have acquired untested striker Martin Dahlin Jr from FCK Trapdore, and former Champions League star Paul Telfer from AFC Bournemouth.

Cyborg currently hold a two point lead over a number of clubs including Finnish sides F9 and J27, and perhaps most importantly, Norwegian billionaires BrattBorg. The refrigeration industry-backed club have managed to hang on to their free-scoring strikeforce of Youssef Chippo and Blaart Bohinen (younger brother of Lars) despite interest from greedy Spaniards Osasuna.

Bohinen currently leads the goal charts, one clear of WeAreReykjavík’s Dolph Magnusson who continues to be linked with a move to North Sea relegation strugglers Piper Alpha Rovers. Rovers, whose on the field fortunes are based almost entirely on the global crude oil market, are still expectant of a top half finish, and can climb as high as ninth if they win their weekend fixture away at Bergen Bergen Lapland, who have postponed their last 14 fixtures due to overcast weather.

Should Bergen win all their games in hand they could go as high as fifth, level on points with Trogladyttes, who have struggled to recover after losing their home ground to Malmo during a popular Swedish gameshow.

Malmo themselves hit the global headlines this week when facing eccentric Finnish yo-yo club N95, who under the ownership of Nokia have taken a technologically advanced approach to the beautiful game. Saturday will represent their first game under Roy Hodgson’s tenure, and the full-time Fulham boss hopes to guide the Helsinki-based side to safety by transmitting his tactics direct from Craven Cottage using Nokia’s new “football phone” – the GoalKat, which is not available in shops until 2010, by which time it may be obsolete.

Meanwhile in Copenhagen, CIA Furby will field British comedian and ex-National Lottery Red Alert star Terry Alderton for the first time. He will make his debut in the all-black kit of Furby against Goth’N'burg.

The Essex-based funnyman hopes his stint in Scandinavian football will be more successful than that of Rik Mayall, who managed just one substitute appearance during an injury-ravaged season at Elfsborg back in 1982. Mayall’s cameo appearance was marred by a sudden ice blizzard, abandonment of the game, and the permanent loss of feeling in his toes.

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