“I played without protection – do I have shin splints?”

Shin pads Hello readers. Mabbuttsy here, taking another look at my correspondence marked “troubled”. When not offering myself up as the face of South Africa 2010 and Somerset Diabetes Week 2011, there’s nothing I like more than helping out my fellow footballing man with sage advice. So, who’s first on the couch this week?

Dear Uncle Gary,
I met a new strike partner recently and we quickly developed an understanding. One thing led to another and before we knew it we were back at his home ground playing two up front.

However, when we got there we realised that neither of us had any shin pads. I said we would be stupid to play without protection but he said it would be fine and that you couldn’t break your shins on your debut for a club.

I really wanted to play up front with him and I just couldn’t stop myself running onto the pitch. However, the next morning after the rough and tumble I found that I had pains in the front of my calves and I’m now worried that I have shin splints.

I’m scared, what should I do?
K Fletcher, Harchester

Mabbutt says: Don’t worry K, the chances are very low that you have shin splints. Go straight to your club doctor and tell him what you did, while it is irresponsible he will understand. You would be surprised how often this happens, even in this day and age when shin pads can be picked up from a vending machine in any changing room.

It is very easy to be won over by the smooth talking of an attractive strike partner. I remember when I was young going out for a drink with Paul Walsh. He said it would be fine if I didn’t bring my insulin with me, if I felt a bit groggy I could just grab a Curly Wurly from a nearby Spar. Suffice to say the next day I paid the price, and it wasn’t just the 24p for a caramel and milk chocolate treat.

Remember, always wear shin pads, especially if you are playing football with a stranger.

Dear Uncle Gary,
I recently came back on the market after years with the same club. While I think I am a good prospect and should be able to find a new club I find it hard to go up to managers and ask them if they would like to spend the evening discussing a two-year contract with all the necessary add-ons.

I’m not looking for anything serious, just a few run outs for the reserves and if that leads to a testimonial 10 years down the line then so be it.

What can I do to boost my confidence approaching managers?
Richard, Unattached

Mabbutt says: This is a very common problem for those coming out of long term contracts with one club. I remember when I left Tottenham in 1998 I thought I would never find another club. As it happens I didn’t, but that is by the by.

The trick is to go to places where you will get to talk to managers; LMA meetings, golf courses, the odd Harvester. When you approach a manager don’t ask them straight away if they want to take you back to their training ground for a long kick-ups session, but compliment them on their tracksuit or tell them their drive off the tee is as sweet as a sugar-free Twix. That conversation will hopefully lead on to you both realising that you are made for each other.

When he was in Spain my old mate Vinny Samways wrote a book about attracting managers, La Game, in which he basically said you should play hard to get. Slag off their approach to formations or ability to whistle for a player’s attention with two fingers in their mouth. Then they will be putty in your hands.

“I played without protection – do I have shin splints?”

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