Ask Gary Mabbutt

“Manager wants me to play in the hole, I’m not ready”

Hole on pitchHi, Uncle Gary here for another trip down football’s subconscious expressway. I’ve seen it all in football, in my days as captain of Tottenham Hotspur I had to deal with all kinds of personal baggage and regularly set my teammates on the straight and narrow. One week I would be helping Paul Gascoigne get his drinking under control, the next I would be offering Gary Lineker tips on maintaining his happy marriage.

So, who’s first on my metaphorical couch this week?

Dear Gary,
I’m 18 and have been with my manager for two years. I’m really happy to be with him, and I thought he was happy with me, even though we’ve kept our relationship strictly limited to simple wingplay and the occasional fumble up front. However, recently he’s been putting pressure on me to take it further and play in the hole. He says that his friend Avram’s players’ are happy to do it, and that it will just be a bit of fun. However, I’m a bit scared and I wanted the first time to be special, not just a tactical experiment in a meaningless end-of-season game at the Stadium of Light. What should I do?
Theo, Hertfordshire

Mabbutt says: Don’t do anything you don’t want to do just because your manager thinks it is time. Be sure that you feel this manager is the one, and he’s not just going to send you to Coventry on a season long loan the morning after. Some managers think about nothing but the hole, and I personally blame the tactical liberation of the Sixties. What you have to remember is that while they may brag, not as many people of your age have played in the hole as you would think. Many of your friends will be lying or are simply talking up a night they spent playing as a support striker, which is very, very different.

If you do decide to go for it remember to take precautions. Demand that your manager uses a holding midfielder. In the end, it is all about doing it when the time feels right, much like shooting up insulin or eating a sugary snack.

Dear Gary,
I don’t want to brag, but I’ve always been able to make my corners accurate, high, and hard at will. Even after a big night out on the pitch and 10 pints of isotonic drink, I could still get my corner up and into the mixer which delighted my tall centre backs. But recently I’ve been unable to beat the first man with increasing regularity. I’m frightened. It’s not just on big European nights but simple domestic ones too. My centre backs tell me it’s fine and that and it happens to everyone, but I feel humiliated. I’m increasingly worried that when they say they’re “staying late at training”, they’re really having secret corner sessions with my best mate Ashley. What should I do?
Gabby, Selly Oak

Mabbutt says: It is all about keeping a calm head, Gabby. The moment you start to worry about the pressure to beat the first man, your corners will start looking limp and lifeless. It might be the pressures of work or even just modern life. You may want to ring my old mate Pele’s helpline “Coping with impotent set plays” on 0800 99 99 99.

I remember when I was captain of Tottenham in the early Nineties, Paul Stewart started to feel stressed as tight curly hair suddenly went out of fashion. He couldn’t get his corners into the box for months. It might be frustrating, but as long as you still find your centre backs jogging up from the back looking excited when you offer to take corners, then you will be fine. If things don’t improve I would suggest having a quiet word with your physio, it did the trick for me when I was having glucose-related blackouts.

More from Ask Gary Mabbutt