Ask Gary Mabbutt

My manager wants me to go down in the box

ronaldo diveLook out, readers! Life has just sent over another testing cross for Uncle Gary to deal with, and its straight out of the draw marked ‘personal dilemma’ (third from the top, incidentally).

I’ve always had time to help fellow professionals with their problems – from Steve Sedgley, who at one time couldn’t leave the changing rooms without doing 37 laps round the physio’s treatment table with his jock strap on his head, to Dean Austin and his embarrassing inability to pronounce the word ‘taramasalata’.

Let’s see what postman Pat van den Hauwe (who’s thriving in his new line of work) has brought today …

Dear Uncle Gary,
I’ve been with my club for some time now and our successful relationship has been built on trust and mutual respect. However, recently my manager has been asking me to go down in the box and I’m just not comfortable with the idea.

I know that some players are happy to sink to their knees at the mere prospect of physical contact but I’ve always played hard to tackle in the penalty area. My old man brought me up to believe in honesty and fair play and I know he would be ashamed to think of me throwing myself around like a cheap Italian import (or poofs, as Dad calls them).

Now the boss says that if I don’t start going down for him, he’ll sign a player who will. What should I do?
A Lennon, Enfield

Mabbutt says: Like your dad, I wouldn’t condone the kind of behaviour your manager is encouraging – during my playing days I was hurt many times by lithe wingers collapsing at my feet only to go running back into their cheering team-mates’ arms after the referee had given them what they wanted.

Personally, I blame the influx of European players, with their moustaches, fascination for ladies’ underarm hair and moral compasses that are dickier than my body’s capacity to absorb sugar. Going down in the box is something you should only consider doing if a defender engages you in full, man-on-man congress. Even then, it’s sometimes best to stay on your feet as he puts his tackle in, just for your own peace of mind.

Stay strong, young man, and don’t be afraid to look for a new manager who won’t ask you to degrade yourself for a quick three points on a Saturday afternoon.

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