The Inside Man

Karren Brady’s XXX emails from Lord Sugar spell West Ham trouble

Hello readers, it’s your man with the inside line, racing around the bend out in front of the chasing pack, holding out the baton of truth to make sure you’re first past the post with the latest news. Come on, take it, I’m bloody knackered!

  • Looks like someone is for the high-jump at FIFA, after administrators left a massive hole in the schedules over the summer. Following the success of last year’s World Cup, insiders expected at the very least another Tournoi, but the only international kickabout arranged was something called the Copa America – and everyone knows the Yanks don’t like football.
  • Some good news for the Old Trafford hierarchy, from one of my informants down at the nick: despite City’s rise in popularity due to several glamorous new sponsorship deals, rioters in Manchester were still twice as likely to loot a United shirt from their local branch of JJB.
  • Questions are being asked now that Norwich are back in the Premiership as to whether they can cut the mustard – but I’ve established, contrary to what the so-called experts are saying, that there are no plans to remove Coleman’s from the condiment selection for half-time butties.
  • He may have spent a fortune on Cockney lessons, but I understand that Avram Grant’s days at West Ham could be numbered. If you see Avram around, don’t mention it to him – my wife says he has sadness in his eyes and the news could be the last straw.
  • In a separate scoop, I’ve heard that Karren Brady’s BlackBerry is full of emails from a certain Lord Sugar. Don’t quote me, but I think if the authorities were to get wind of her close personal relationship with the head of the London 2012 team, there could be some serious questions asked about that whole Olympic Stadium business …

THIS WEEK’S PIN-CODE-STEALING, WIRE-TAPPING, PHONE-HACKING GOSSIP: Which former jailbird (possibly a Magpie) has recently taken anti-social networking to new heights? The player in question has apparently been looking for Friends (not Ross or Chandler) online but his philosophy has put many people off. Despite being a troublemaker, he is definitely a fan favourite, a bit like BART simpsON, and although he’s a bit of a twit, I’m still following him closely … If you’re reading this, Joseph, I want that bloody Smiths ‘best of’ CD back, you hear?

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