Why I love the beautiful game: #1 – GOALS

Didier Drogba Ask any real footy fan what keeps them coming back for more week in, week out and you’ll get the same answer: “Goals, mate”. Goals are quite literally the backbone of the game, and I for one can’t get enough of them.

For starters, whatever way you look at it, goals win you games, and at the end of the day winning’s what makes footy brilliant. Massive clubs like Chelsea, Madrid and The Galaxy are built on wins, and what gets you wins? Goals of course! What do wins mean? PRIZES! And three points. (Or progress to the next round, if you’re talking about knockout cup competitions). [Which I love].

A couple of weeks ago me and the lads (Woodsy, Biggo and Tithead) were settling down for a legendary Tuesday night of Champions League action in my cinema room and discussing the best goalscorers the game has ever seen.

“You’ve got to say that in terms of goals Thierry Henry has got to be up there or thereabouts in amongst the top, top, best quality goalscorers ever of all time,” said Woodsy.

“Henry?!” I said, failing to stifle a guffaw. “That Gooner plonker isn’t fit to embroider Didier Drogba’s initials onto his Predators! Shut up and get the Carlings in, you muppet!” The lads were giving Woodsy stick for the rest of the night, telling him that if Inter Milan had Henry upfront they’d be doing Chelsea at least 4 or 5 nil, it was quality.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was on a bit of a wind up (don’t tell Woodsy!) because I rate Thierry. But you’ve got to say that Didier is different class. I’ve met him a couple of times at various lunches and launches and he’s a class act on and off the pitch.

He was kind enough to give my website banterlash.com an exclusive interview so long as we did a little plug for Colgate, who he does some great promotional work for.

We agreed of course, it’s not often you get face time with a genius like Didier, and he was a right laugh, happily answering our questions about who had the dodgiest barnet in the Chelsea dressing room. Top geezer.

Back in the cinema room, Biggo (he’s 6’5”, the freak!) was arguing that the best goal ever was by some Dutchman I’d not heard of called Ronald Koeman, while Tithead (don’t ask) reckoned Pele must have scored some belters, but couldn’t single out a specific goal.

“Who cares about those old codgers,” I said, shutting them up instantly. “Franky Lamps has owned The Premier League for years, that’s the best league in the world, and his screamer against Croatia for England p*sses over any goal you mugs could even dream about scoring. End of.”

The lads all cracked up, we downed a cheeky round of Jägerbombs and just as we’d plonked the glasses down Lamps scored a belter at Stamford Bridge.

Now, that’s football!

For more quality banter check out Tim’s website banterlash.com