Football Explained

Not that kind of player

Robbie FowlerA footballer who is “not that kind of player” is so gentlemanly, fair-minded and sportsmanlike that he is often cheered on by fans of the opposing team, such is the universal delight afforded by his goody two-shoes approach to the game.

With diving, crude tackles, spitting, blasphemy and shaved underarms so commonplace in modern football, the not-that-kind-of-player stands out as an exemplar of Corinthian values. Additional skills include the ability to keep his boots clean even in mud, an inability to commit foul throws, and being good at long division.

He will not enter into a tackle unless both parties are equally matched, vis-à-vis, height, weight, skill level, kinaesthetic potential and number of diamond ear studs. For this reason, the not-that-kind-of-player will usually withdraw completely from all challenges to preserve his noble standing – an action that is always accompanied by applause and whooping from the terraces.

The term, unusually, derives from hip-hop, and the refrain “not that kinda playa”, which means a streetwise gangsta who is comfortable enough in his own sense of machismo to still do the shopping for his grandmother at the weekends.

It was first used in a footballing context after Robbie Fowler’s attempt to turn down a penalty awarded against David Seaman by Gerald Ashby in 1997. However, Fowler subsequently proved he was that kind of player with his infamous “doing a line” goal celebration, which his nan thoroughly disapproved of.

The phenomenon can give also rise to what is known as “playa hating”, due to the jealousy of contemporaries. Whereas in the urban music scene, this often culminates in asses being popped with caps, in football, retribution from uncouth teammates will usually consist of a live frog being placed inside the player’s bootbag without him knowing, or switching his face moisturiser with deep heat.

Not-that-kind-of-players are especially prized by certain managers but there is a danger that having too many in the squad will result in “not that kind of team” – aka Arsenal.

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