Where Are They Now?

Jimmy Glass keeps Carlisle in the Football League

Jimmy GlassWith the FA threatening to sell the town of Carlisle to Scotland upon its demotion to the Conference, and the future of local haulage firm Eddie Stobart resting upon the next season’s ITV Digital money, it was no surprise that Cumbria came to a standstill on 8 May 1999. The club’s future was placed squarely on the shoulders of 11 below par footballers in the final match of their season at home to early bird travellers Plymouth, and frustrations grew as the game entered the 94th minute at one all. But up popped an unlikely goal hero in glove-handed club whore Jim “Jimmy” Glass, who sent Carlisle into mathematically safe raptures at the expense of Scarborough – an English coastal town where they make chips.

1. Matthew Horne
Though now best known as one half of modern day Laurel & Hardy duo Horne and Corden, life was not so rosy back in 1999 for 19 year old Matthew, who was in his second year of making the bi-weekly 360 mile round trip to Brunton Park from his Nottinghamshire home in an attempt to break into television by appearing as an extra on Sky Sports’s Netbusters. Eighteen months later and after helping Swansea striker Mamady Sidibe with a quick throw-in by the corner flag, Horne came to the attention of Jacks fan and sitcom writer Ruth Jones, who paired him up with future heart attack victim James Corden in Anglo-Welsh laughter breakout Gavin & Stacey.

2. Jimmy Glass
Following the goal Glass returned to his parent club Swindon, but not before releasing a charity cover of Blondie’s Heart of Glass, which reached number 74 in the charts and led to a last minute appearance on CD:UK after Ashford-based pop-rockers The Dum Dums pulled out due to food poisoning. A move north of the border to Hearts followed and despite never making an appearance for the club, Glass re-released his hit with the title changed to Hearts of Glass, though this time it failed to chart. With spiralling debts caused by money owed to Pete Waterman, Glass quit football in 2008 to start up a glass blowing business with his wife John.

3. Paul Bagshaw
Superstitious midfielder Bagshaw was widely ridiculed in the local press for his habit of performing the chicken dance during injury time in an attempt to unsettle opposition defenders at corners rather than attacking the ball. In fact after causing such a nuisance in the Plymouth defence that day many newspaper reporters wrongly attributed the goal to Bagshaw despite him being at least 10 yards away from Glass. Twelve years later – after losing all his footballing earnings in a series of poor investments in Enron, Woolworths and Lapland New Forest – Bagshaw set up a firm offering rented accommodation to mice, which enjoyed limited success.

4. James Dungey
With Plymouth already safe to offer up another year of unappetising Football League hoof-ball, unfit schoolchild James Dungey was the lucky winner of the North Devon Gazette’s Keeper for a Day competition. As part of the terms and conditions, prize-winner Dungey had to make his own way to Brunton Park and his red face was caused by his frantic efforts to make the 3pm kick off after arriving late at Carlisle station. Dungey never played another football match at any level, and after a brief stint working at Homebase he emigrated to Salzburg and became a successful Alex Manninger impersonator.

5. Steve Guinan
Due to a magnetic heart imbalance Guinan became famous for being a footballer who could only perform in places with a longitude greater than 3 degrees (ie west of Reading). Often snubbed for away trips and overlooked for big money moves to Serie A, Guinan trundled along in the lower tiers of English football and subsidised his income by selling signed cakes on eBay. Now aged 35, Guinan performs at the highest level after opening his own karaoke bar on Mount Snowdon.

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