Which Are You?

Which World Cup nation are you?

Since the World Cup began in 1AD, every nation (with the possible exception of USA) has dreamed of taking part. Sadly that dream will never be realised for some, and teams like Haiti, Bangladesh and Scotland will be forever deprived of the thrill of running out to represent their countries in stadiums packed with representatives from National FAs, UEFA and Nike. But if you were to make it to the hallowed shores of South Africa which nation would you be? Just answer a, b or c to these three questions and find out.

You are preparing to pick your squad but don’t know which goalkeepers to include, where do you go looking for talent?

a) It really doesn’t matter, your team is packed with attacking genius and silky skills, just shove some gloves on the guy that can do the least kick ups.
b) On a tip off you find there are some pretty handy wicketkeepers in the Wellington Sunday Twenty20 league, surely they fancy a game between the sticks?
c) Take anyone that qualifies to play for you and gets a game in the Premier League. Failing that see if that Spanish guy with Arsenal fancies changing his nationality, even though he’s rubbish.

You are asked to submit a star player to be made into a shiny in the tournament’s promotional sticker album, who do you choose?

a) Choose one no-one has heard of, everyone will just assume he is amazing and he will have fetched £50m from a hopeful Spanish club before the tournament has even begun.
b) There is a guy that plays for Plymouth in the squad. He has a boot deal and everything.
c) One word: Roooooooonnnneeeeyyyyy! (if fit)

Triumphant, you arrive back to an airport packed with screaming fans and press, how do you address the crowds?
a) You announce that the country has a week off to party in skimpy clothing to celebrate their 48th World Cup win.
b) You thank the man from the Wellington Herald for his attendance and then correct him by pointing out that the rugby team are landing at runway 2.
c) You thank everyone for their eventual support once you reached the semi-finals and add that if it wasn’t for that bloody penalty shoot out you may well have made it past Honduras and into the final. Maybe next time.

Mostly As: You may have a horrific gap between rich and poor within your major cities but boy, you can sure do stepovers, you are Brazil.
Mostly Bs: Who invited you? You’re New Zealand
Mostly Cs: Re-record Three Lions for the eighth time, you’re England.
ABC: Your album The Lexicon of Love was one of the most critically acclaimed of the 80s, well done.

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