Hello tactics fans and welcome back from your summer holidays!

It's that time again, pre-season! With more and more Premiership managers heading into this daunting period without the requisite UEFA coaching badges I thought it only right that I hand down some of my tried-and-tested training techniques. Follow this plan and your group of combatants will be hitting their peaks at 3PM, on a Saturday sometime in the middle of August, without any of them asking to see your licence.

Laps

When the squad return from their hols they'd better be prepared because the first thing I have them doing is laps. I don't even say hello, I just blow a whistle and point towards the training field. Any off-season binging will be found out straight away with this classic training ground technique (fig 1). My old mate Gerry Francis would have his lads lapping till they puked. I'm not quite as authoritarian as that, but lets just say they don't want to get caught cutting any corners if you know what I mean. I usually place a cone in each one to enforce this.

fig 1:

Free Kicks

Another quality pre-season mess-about is the free-kicks scenario. Put your favourite shot-stopper in goal (this gets any awkwardness out of the way for the first Saturday of the season) and get the lads to take pot shots (fig 2). I like to use cones to demarcate a "holding pen" for the players to wait within. The key to this exercise is placing your two worst players behind the goals on collection duty. This, again, will make it clear to them exactly where they figure in your plans.

fig 2:

Frisbee

Eek out the last few drops of the British summer, and increase the players skill and dexterity with this beach-time favourite. Your players should be well practiced from their recent trips to Marbaya. No Frisbee? Don't worry; the cones are perfect for this purpose. Get the lads to catch them on their heads like Chinamen for an added twist (fig 3). If they're still not feeling it spark up a disposable barbie and and put some Mungo Jerry on the ghetto blaster. Ole!

fig 3:

Cranium

As Teddy Sheringham will attest, football's not just about skill and fitness, it's also about intelligence. A pre-season game of Cranium will get the old grey matter ticking over (fig 4). Exercising the squads largest muscle with a range of Zelpuz', Sculpturades' and Humdingers will prepare them for anticipating a through-ball, holding a defensive line and remembering that you can’t be off-side from a throw-in. Encourage the guys to incorporate cone's when taking part in the Star Performer rounds.

fig 4:

Enjoy the pre-season tactics fans and unqualified managers (Paul and Gareth I'm looking at you) you owe me a pint!