BBC introduce new post-post-match analysis show to satisfy banter starved fans

THE BBC is to launch a new programme providing highlights and analysis of all the weekend’s football punditry, in order to satisfy the public’s craving for couch-based banter and open-necked polyester-cotton mix shirts.

The show, which has a working title of Match of the Day of the Day (MOTDOTD, or M:OTD2 – not to be confused with MOTD2), will be presented by Matt Lorenzo, and "simulcast" alongside both Match of the Day and Match of the Day 2, allowing viewers to follow the post-post-match criticism via the red button.

Sitting on a specially designed high-definition sofa will be televisual football experts from yesteryear, including family favourites such as Jimmy Hill, Des Lynam and Graeme Le Saux, to offer their thoughts on the performances of Alan, Gary and Alan (and sometimes Lee and Mark as well).

The quality of Gary’s handovers, Lawro’s set-pieces, and modern punditry techniques will all be under the microscope, while slow-motion replays of the team’s best three-way gags will be analysed, in real time, by their colleagues in the studio next door. The show will also present a "Pun-dit of the Month" award to whoever delivers the best piece of wordplay, as voted for by the more junior Football Focus line-up.

Meanwhile, a special segment called "Saux what’s that all about then?" will see Le Saux examining questions posed by viewers texts such as: "Did Lee really have anything left in the tank for that final Sunderland v Blackburn clash?" and "Could Gary have weighted that question about Aston Villa’s offside trap a little better for Mark?"

Speculation remains however that Lineker, Hansen, and in particular Shearer – against whom Le Saux has a much-publicised vendetta, after remarks made by Shearer that Le Saux was "gayer than Flowers (normal and Tim)" – are furious at the new development, and have refused to give post-MOTD interviews to the corporation.