Blue Man Group to swoop for Premier League's top stars after Arab investment

THE BLUE Man Group have said they intend to sign some of the Premier League's top players for their 2009 World Tour, only days after receiving heavy investment from a wealthy Arabian businessman.

The mysterious oil billionaire Sheikh Hin-Stefens hopes his cash can help the Blue Men to an Emmy Award victory, ending their 32-year wait for silverware.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Cesc Fabregas and Andre Ooijer have all been touted to join the newly wealthy performance art troupe, in the hope of breaking into deadlocked Big Four of Stomp!, Chicago, We Will Rock You and the evergreen The Mousetrap.

"We initially dismissed Ronaldo because we stipulate that our performers must be under a certain height," said Blue Man director Ellen MacArthur. "But we were blown away by how well how he was able to dramatise situations and communicate complex emotions using only facial expressions and the odd demonstrative shrug.

"I have spoken to his agent and I know that he wants to join us, Ronaldo says he will plead for the move until he is blue in the face."

The buy-out is a fantastical turn of events for the traditionally derided Blue Men, after so many years spent overshadowed by bitter rivals the Red Man Group. The Reds command a much larger audience thanks to a history of consistently collecting both national and international awards, and the tragic death of their original cast in a plane crash in the Fifties.

While fans of the Blue Man Group are excited by the promised largesse of the new era, established Blue Man performers have spoken privately of fears that they will be pushed out of the blue-tinted spotlight when the megastars arrive.

"We haven't been getting spectacular reviews, but the director has built a balanced cast with plenty of natural flair with neon paint but enough stamina to pound oil drums and other post-industrial props all night long," said Blue Man #27.

"And what about our youth system? We've got a proud history of brining up-and-coming failed Shakespearan actors through the ranks, all the way from understudy to bluest man.

"There's no way talent will be able to develop now, and it'll have a negative impact on the USA's national theatre group in the future."