The Championship announces revolutionary end to the season: "Let’s just call it a draw"

AFTER SEVEN months of nail-biting but frustratingly inconclusive football, the 24 clubs in the Championship promotion hunt have announced that they will be calling the whole thing a draw, in an attempt to "just make it easier for everyone". The clubs will be writing off this season's results with a set of identically thrilling 3-3 draws, because, as one spokesman said: "This is just going to go on and on otherwise".

Championship representative Richard Reid said: "If so-called league leaders Bristol City can’t even be bothered to beat a literally awful Southampton team, then what's the point?

"It's all just going to run and run forever, even Colchester are still putting up a fight. We really don’t want to have to sit around working out goal difference to figure out who’s finished where"

Sheffield United Chairman Terry Robinson revealed that the unique agreement was reached in an emergency meeting between the clubs, called after the gradual realisation in recent weeks that no club genuinely wanted to win the league this year.

"We’ve all agreed that we’re basically about as good as each other," Robinson said. "At one point we thought West Brom might be the best, but they’re not. We've decided that it's best if we all just shake hands and be friends. In a way we're all winners. In another way, none of us are. That was the problem."

The FA has reacted to the announcement by saying that the Championship must still decide on three teams to replace Derby, Fulham and Bolton in the bottom three places of the Premier League next season. Premier League bosses will decide on the three clubs most appropriate for top-flight football using the following formula:

This decision has seen the nicely striped Londoners Crystal Palace installed as clear favourites, but could spell disaster for windy outposts like Plymouth and Hull.