Doctors say elderly and very young are most at risk from World Cup fever

HEALTH CHIEFS pleaded for calm today after the news that World Cup fever has swept through Britain, with latest figures showing a suspected 2,000,000 new cases since the weekend.

Several Sunday newspapers came with free World Cup wallcharts and ITV screened Nike’s thrilling ‘Write The Future’ advert five times in 24 hours which exacerbated the problem and led to a 60 per cent increase overall in unfounded excitement and tiny England flags.

“World Cup fever has now become a pandemic, but it’s important to remember that it is not fatal,” said Secretary of State for Health Andrew Lansley. “The disease can affect anyone but the old are particularly susceptible because they feel this may be their final chance to see England win it.

“The very young are also at risk because they don’t remember the disappointment of 2006. Or 2002. Or indeed 1998. Or 1990… And certainly not 1994.”

The first symptoms of World Cup fever include making the public declaration “I’ve got World Cup fever!”, tracing England’s potential route to the final, and a craving for cheap white plastic hats decorated in the St George’s Cross and logos of The Sun newspaper.

If you experience any of these symptoms doctors recommend contacting NHS Direct immediately. If untreated you could soon find yourself missing work to watch Japan v Cameroon.

Those with a suspected case of World Cup fever should stay indoors and wait for the government treatment pack that will stop symptoms within hours. The pack contains a thorough history of England’s performance in previous tournaments and a Magic Eye picture which reveals an image of Jermain Defoe partnering Emile Heskey up front.

Experts predict World Cup fever will have passed by the third week of this year’s tournament.

Published June 10, 2010

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