Gareth Southgate’s chilly Sunday blamed on lack of UEFA License

GARETH SOUTHGATE’S cataclysmic decision not to wear an overcoat during Sunday’s snowy game between Middlesbrough and Manchester United could have been averted if he held the UEFA Pro License required to manage at the top level, says the League Managers Association (LMA).

Southgate’s inexperience was all too evident as he visibly shivered and hugged himself during Sunday’s game, prompting jeers and numerous scarves being thrown supportively onto the pitch by the home fans. Southgate has spent the following days recovering in hospital, with a hot water bottle placed on both his forehead and feet. Wife Allison described his condition as “stable but chilly”.

John Barnwell, chief executive of the LMA, said that he hoped Southgate’s mistake could be an example to others: “Catastrophes like this really show the importance of doing the badges. You can’t have managers out there without motivational skills, tactical knowledge or a lovely warm overcoat.”

Most other top managers have passed their “selecting appropriate clothing for inclement weather conditions” module, alongside other typical University of Coaching classes such as “Introduction to the sweeper system” and “Freud, Marxism and Five-a-side”. Sir Alex Ferguson, who achieved a distinction in his clothing module, was clearly angry with his opposite number, and was caught on camera shouting at Southgate in exasperation. The Opta lip-reading department have suggested that Ferguson yelled: “Put a coat on you bloody idiot, it’s snowing out there,” during a short corner in the second half.

Top managers throughout history have always made use of world-class coat technique. Ferguson famously sold off his ‘AF’ stadium jacket in favour of a smart black number from Next in the mid-Nineties as he attempted to rebuild for European success. This prompted Alan Hansen’s famous faux pas: “You’ll never win anything with Duffle.”

Published April 28, 2008

Related Posts