Man hospitalised after jumping off the Gary Neville bandwagon

A FOOTBALL fan was rushed to hospital last night with multiple injuries after foolishly leaping from the Gary Neville bandwagon onto the hard shoulder of the A1 near Peterborough.

Bob Pollard, 37, from London, is in a serious but stable condition today after becoming the first follower of football in the entire country to try to leave the bandwagon, which has been speeding up and down the A1 (Britain’s longest road) ever since Neville made a splash as a forthright, articulate pundit on Sky Sports at the beginning of the season.

“He’s a lucky man,” said Glenn Roeder, recently established as chief surgeon at Addenbrooke’s hospital in Cambridge after quitting football when he realised that nobody in the game liked him. “The Neville bandwagon is travelling at speeds in excess of 80mph and our advice to everybody on board is to stick it out until Gary farts or says something racist on air, as only then will it slow down.”

A defiant Pollard has stood by his decision despite the severity of his injuries. “I’d just had enough,” he told reporters from his hospital bed. “Is it so bad that I preferred it when Andy Gray was on Monday Night Football? It was a simpler time, arguably a better time, when men could be men and sexism was funny.”

Pollard added that he made his decision to leave the bandwagon after choosing to watch YouTube clips of Gray laughing at women with Richard Keys instead of Neville’s half-time analysis of Liverpool-Tottenham.

Pollard’s exit hasn’t dampened the atmosphere on the bandwagon itself, which was described as “riotous” by keen Neville fan and father of Phil Neville, Neville Neville. “It’s brilliant, if a bit crowded,” he said today. “Everybody’s been chatting to each other on Twitter about Gary’s description of the cat on the Anfield pitch and reminiscing about when he gave Ed Chamberlain a wedgie just before they went on air in October.”

If the Neville bandwagon can stay on the road for another three weeks it will have travelled further than any other bandwagon since the one carrying Lionel Messi fans, which tragically careered off a cliff and into the Mediterranean Sea in 2009. That was the largest bandwagon-related loss of life since the wingbacks bandwagon crashed and burned outside the house of Brazilian pioneer Nilton Santos in 1962.

Published February 7, 2012

Related Posts