Ince appointment brings hope that era of discrimination against names that start with an "i" is over

PAUL INCE's appointment as Blackburn manager has raised eyebrows among football historians not because his managerial experience to date is limited to League Two, but due to one trait which will not escape anyone's attention, however politically correct: his surname begins with the letter 'i'.

Despite the fact that over 3.84% of players in the Football League have a name which begins with 'i', a staggering 0% of clubs are managed by one, a statisting which has caused unrest for many years among vowel equality watchdogs.

"We hope Ince's appointment is the first of many," said spokesman for Footballers Whose Names Begin With The Letter 'i', Dennis Irwin. "For years we've watched fashionable consonant-heavy names like Keane and Southgate walk into top jobs, whereas the likes of Andy Impey can't break into the higher echelons for love nor money."

Irwin added that Ince's appointment would give hope to thousands of inner city youths with names that begin with an 'i', and kill off backwards attitudes that have blighted Britain throughout its history. In the Seventies, TV shows such as Love I, Neighbour featured offensive jokes aimed at the lead character Ian Iston. While in the Eighties, Ince himself was regularly pelted with primitive iPods ('Walkmen') and abused with the vile slur 'igg*r' from the terraces.

At the time, critics of the West Ham and Inter Milan defensive midfield guv'nor pointed to his selfish or 'i-centric' attitude on the ball, which they said was unsuited to cold Tuesday nights up north at Grimsby or Padova. Some put forward the theory that 'i' stood for 'inferior'.

But Ince's new job will put these prejudices to bed once and for all, according to former Exeter City manager Alex Inglethorpe. "Muzzy Izzet proved himself at the highest level week in, week out for Leicester, and wanted to move into management after his career faded into ignominy. Is it any co-incidence that he didn't receive any offers and that his name happens to begin with an 'i'?

"Let's not even get started on David Icke. He looked for a management job after his stint keeping goal for Coventry, but was laughed out of town. Within months he'd gone completely mental, accused the queen of being a lizard and part of the Zionist-reptilian conspiracy, and bought a turquoise shellsuit."