Kenny Dalglish creates Mark Knopfler museum in last ditch attempt to make Andy Carroll feel more at home in Liverpool

LIVERPOOL MANAGER Kenny Dalglish has attempted to cure his fourth-choice frontman Andy Carroll’s homesickness by starting a Geordiefication of the city of Liverpool with an extensive museum based around the career and guitar solos of Dire Straits frontman and Geordie hero Mark Knopfler.

The museum will replace the popular Beatles Story attraction in the Albert Docks and will feature exhibits including the original sheet music for the theme tune to Local Hero, the weird silver guitar from the front of the Brothers in Arms album and 172 different headbands. The museum has already sold two tickets for its opening week, both thought to have been bought by Carroll.

“We can’t have our players feeling homesick all over the place, it is not good for morale,” said Dalglish. “I remember when I moved down from Glasgow and Bill Shankley made me feel at home from the off by jacking up during contract talks. You can’t buy that kind of man-management, legally at least.”

The new museum is the first in a series of measures planned by Dalglish that will also see the relocation of the Angel of the North, Byker Grove and darts commentator Sid Waddell to Merseyside.

Carroll has been homesick since the moment he arrived in Liverpool from his beloved Newcastle, struggling to adjust to a city lacking a massive revolving dancefloor like the one in the Flares near Monument metro station, 48 different branches of Wilkinsons and the opportunity to bump into Jimmy Nail at any moment when out and about.

However, the Liverpool tourist board are furious with Dalglish’s attraction actions and say the replacement of the Beatles museum could see a fall in visitor numbers, citing some already confused Japanese tourists who left the Albert Docks disappointed, only to perk up when shown the location of the now defunct This Morning weather map.

A spokesman for Liverpool (city, not football club) said: “If we get rid of that museum how are people going to know The Beatles came from here? I can’t see any more evidence of it anywhere else in this city.”

But there’s hope yet for Dalglish after recent comments from Carroll indicating that he has finally begun to find his feet in the north west, which may result in his deciding to shoot and head at the opposition goal rather than over and beside it.

Published January 17, 2012

Related Posts