Managers beg chairmen to take them off merry-go-round after weirdo Adams gets on

THERE WAS carnage on the managerial merry-go-round last night after an unemployed oddball named Tony Adams got on and ruined the ride for everyone.

Traditionally a high-energy place for earnest declarations about being “rested and raring to go”, the merry-go-round has reacted badly to Adams’ sanguine, measured approach.

Adams’ unusual demeanour was first noticed earlier this year when he refused to blame officials in the accepted fashion after an unlucky defeat for his Portsmouth side, instead choosing to make a series of quips including the bafflingly upbeat “I’ve obviously not found my lucky tie just yet!”.

Several merry-go-round riders attempted to disembark from the ride before the music had even stopped, after being unnerved by Adams’ strange behaviour. “What seemed like innocent fun was suddenly ruined,” said crying ex-manager John Gregory.

“It was all larks at first, but then Adams got on and immediately tried to engage us in discussion about addiction and the 12 Step programme. It put a dampener on things, if I’m honest.

“At one point when the merry-go-round sped up we were all getting quite excited, but Adams just frowned, said it was all part of life’s rich tapestry, and then wrote a haiku.”

Managers had generally been enjoying the ride this season until Adams’ arrival, with many screaming with joy at the possibility of being thrown off into a director of football role at Newcastle.

Adams’ strangely calm behaviour had prompted questions about his eligibility for the League Managers Association’s coaching funfair for unemployed managers, but a spokesman confirmed last night that Adams “does have the relevant documentation, even if he is a bit of a mental.”

Experienced merry-go-round rider Dave “Harry” (“Dave”) Bassett said that it had been a torrid few weeks at the LMA’s funfair: “Some have said that the merry-go-round has been moving too fast lately, and that unemployed managers don’t have the time to exert their personality on a coconut shy, or let their candy floss bed in before the bell rings and they have to get back on board.”

Bassett also suggested that the influx of foreign managers was affecting the quality of the merry-go-round: “”All I’m saying is that Guus Hiddink seemed very surprised last week when he was asked to briefly climb on board a small cast iron horse between Paul Ince and David O’Leary after he’d gone through customs at Heathrow.

“They may have the edge on us tactically, but there’s some things you just can’t teach these outsiders.”

Published February 7, 2009

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