New boy at school instantly regrets admitting that he “doesn’t really support any team in particular”

TEN-YEAR-OLD Jake Withington’s first day at South Chichester Primary School took a disastrous turn during morning playtime today when, confronted about his football allegiances by a group of male classmates, he panicked under pressure and admitted “I don’t support any team really”.

The youngster’s breaktime performance had shown early promise when he let Hugh Montgomery have a go on his Nintendo DS, an astute move belying his tender years. But his obvious apathy towards football proved disastrous, leaving Withington frozen out by classmates for the remaining 14 minutes of playtime.

“The young lad’s had a nightmare, to be fair,” said playground supervisor Miss Nash. “He’s had one of those days, but he’ll learn from this and move on. He’d looked good early doors, but it was a momentary lapse in concentration that cost him, and at this level you have far less time to think. This is a hard place to come and maybe he just wasn’t ready for the step up.”

Sources within the school have suggested that the youngster will benefit from quickly developing an interest in one of the two strongly-backed teams amongst his classmates: Chelsea or Manchester United. However, Withington’s apparent recklessness means a risky affiliation with local club Brighton and Hove Albion cannot be ruled out. With his contemporaries already in hostile mood, an attachment to a club widely considered at the school as “well rubbish”, could spell a premature end to the child’s bid for popularity.

Published April 13, 2008

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