Newcastle farce officially “not as funny as it used to be”

NEWCASTLE FANS have suffered another blow after critics blasted their club’s brand of vaudeville-cum-farce for “not reaching the comedic highs it once did”. The damning verdict on the crisis club comes in the wake of Joe Kinnear’s baffling media outbursts, which AA Gill called “a step too far”.

The Newcastle United comedy troupe has been performing on Tyneside since 1955, earning acclaim up and down the country for their lighthearted, satirical compositions with improbable plots.

United’s formerly-hapless centre back Steven Taylor explained: “When you’ve got such a strong sense of comedy tradition behind you, it’s hard not being a laughing stock anymore .

“Some of the lads suggested we have a look at one or two of the more sophisticated schools of comedy, so we’ve been experimenting with parody and some simple set-piece wordplays in training.”

Many Geordies had felt that the club was in need of a new comic direction, a suspicion confirmed by last week’s tragic events when Kinnear shot and killed four local journalists for criticising his choice of suit.

Speaking through an interpreter, die-hard Toon fan Spuggy Griffiths said: “We used to think people were laughing with us, now we see they’ve been laughing at us, and the confidence has dropped out of the club and its staff.

“The change has been especially obvious on online forums, where the tide has slowly turned from ROFLs down to LOLs. Over the past few days we’re just seeing a lot of ‘confused’ emoticons, which is a sad reflection of how far the club’s fallen.”

Despite the departure this week of vice-president (gags) Tony Jimenez, former FA chief executive David Davies believes it could be too late for the Toon.

“Letting a comedy genius like Kevin Keegan go was a mistake,” said Davies. “I think killing him off again may have been the moment Newcastle finally jumped the shark.”

Published December 9, 2008

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