Spring 2008 - National Beckham Day, Ollie's final roll of the dice and The Gaffer hits the web

More bad news for Birmingham as Zaraté revealed to be coffee brand
Argentinean striker a marketing ploy designed to boost coffee company

George 'McCartney is Dead' conspiracy theories denied
West Ham have played down rumours that defender George McCartney has been replaced by a lookalike

Chatroom member finally fulfils potential with coherent posting
Young fan wins chat-of-the-match award for his heart-rending ode to Frank Lampard

Palace's Soares secretly annoyed after play-offs force changes to summer plans
Young midfielder rues "ruined" May in wake of surprise play-off appearance

Sir Les's search for an apprentice goes on
Ruel Fox is latest casualty, as competition hots up to win a BBC punditry job with a six-figure salary

Holloway puts faith in his most experienced quips for decider
Funnyman Leicester boss will turn to "proven" jokes for relegation fight

Chess match just "like a game of football" say pundits
Tense, emotional and rowdy chess match evokes rare comparisons to sport of football

Kop fans despair after mistakenly sucking in Chelsea goal
Kopites admit their notorious power to 'suck in' goals may have killed Liverpool's Euro hopes

Championship Manager on gardening leave after angry girlfriend hides disc
Promising young manager's succesful imaginary career hangs in the balance

BBC producers kill off Ian Wright character in special Christmas episode
Match Of The Day Live fans are upset by axing of popular character in a feature-length episode

Cristiano Ronaldo forgets to score against Blackburn
Jesus-like player admits fault for first time on record, blames excellent episode of The Apprentice

Alfonso Alves un-adapts to the English game
Boro admit their hot and cold striker is back to square one in his battle to adapt. Southgate blames "a heavy night out on the Salsa"

FIFA decides to ban jumpers for goalposts
International football meddlers unveil bold new guidelines that could change the park game forever. New rules also include crackdown on "bunching"

Grant to go if Chelsea miss out on Euro 08
Chelsea boss handed seemingly impossible task to keep his job, board insist he still has their "full support"

Gareth Southgate's chilly Sunday blamed on lack of UEFA License
Inexperience to blame for manager's baffling decision to brave Arctic Teeside weather in just a suit jacket

The Championship announces revolutionary end to the season: "let’s just call it a draw"
Seven months of "anyone can beat anyone else on their day" ends in stalemate revolution

McClaren: "Our Euro hopes aren't dead, I'm not ruling out a Serbo-Croat war"
Deluded ex-national boss prays for unrest in the Balkans to save England's Euro dream

New boy at school regrets admitting that he doesn’t support any team in particular
Child makes textbook error on first day of school, risks losing battle with popularity before it's begun

Government launches horrifying advert in war againt "Horror tackles"
Eduardo stars in chilling new clip which will frighten children everywhere

Sky Sports News extends coverage to 25 hours per day
Revolutionary move from Sky "plays with the very fabric of time"

Hull youngster invents away game to avoid grandmother's funeral
Fringe player avoids pall bearer duties, says "I only met her seven times anyway"

Beckham solves nation's problems with 100th cap
A wave of euphoria sweeps England after Beckham's unforgettable 100th cap

Jewell: "Nothing goes your way down at the bottom"
Luckless Derby boss Paul Jewell has said his side's run of bad luck has started to seep into his everyday life - with increasignly troubling consequences

Grand Slam Sundays are driving climate change, warn scientists
Red-hot Grand Slam Sunday clashes could be sending us to a watery grave

Kevin Bond's programme notes savaged by the critics
Bournemouth manager Bond has tried to brush off the blanket media criticism of his latest disapppointing matchday column

Top referee branded a "wanker"
The FA says it will look into accusations made on Saturday by a Leyton Orient fan that ref Keith Hill is a "wanker" and has been for some time

Coles to star in reality TV show
Football's irrepresible Cole brothers Ashley, Joe, Andrew and Carlton have announced that they are to follow in the footsteps some of showbusiness's biggest names by starrring in their own fly-on-the-wall TV series

Football periodical enters the digital age
After 150 years in print the controversial football newsheet The Gaffer has finally stepped into the 21st century by launching its own website