Paul Ince blames Brown’s Britain for making Guv’nor role an exercise in red tape

MILTON KEYNES Dons manager Paul ‘The Guv’nor’ Ince has blasted Gordon Brown’s New Labour government for making his guv’ning role almost impossible because of form filling, health and safety measures and political correctness ‘gone mad’.

“Back in the mid Nineties under John Major you could put in an early studs-up reducer on Steve Sedgley and he would just get up and dust himself off,” said Ince. “Now, if I want to give one of my players a bollocking for failing to dribble around some cones I have to apply to my local government representative to get a B077 form signed off and then write a full report for some pen-pusher in City Hall.”

Secretary of State for Time-Consuming Bureaucracy Louise Wener implemented changes last year to improve performance of Guv’nors, after press criticism of Britain’s once great National Hardmen Service.

But underperforming guv’nors across the country say the increase in red tape is wasting time and money that could be spent on really sharp studs and bandages for bleeding foreheads.

Ince said his short spell as manager at Blackburn was blighted by his inability to be a guv’nor 24/7. “On one occasion, I should have been giving Morten Gamst Pedersen a clip round the ear for arriving three minutes late for training but was back in my office filling out an application to pump my fist from the sideline and then put my arm around the shoulder of an inexperienced young substitute. That’s what life is like for today’s modern guv’nor.”

Celebrity Milton Keynes fan Noel Edmonds has added his voice to Ince’s. “It’s typical that these faceless council zealots are interfering with what used to be a proud British industry,” he said. “When you consider that hoodies stalk the streets at night deliberately scaring pensioners and James Milner often plays with his shirt untucked, we are truly living in a Broken Britain.”

Published April 14, 2010

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