Rangers crisis threatens huge popularity and competitiveness of Scottish Premier League

THE SCOTTISH Premier League faces the biggest threat of its wildly successful four-year history following the news that Glasgow Rangers have entered administration rather than pay the £9m that the club owes in taxes to populist Irn Bru fan Alex Salmond.

The SPL, regularly voted as Scotland’s third favourite past-time behind going to Del Amitri gigs and sharing needles, has enjoyed a boom period of late as excited fans tune in to find out who Rangers and Celtic have beaten each week.

But this golden era may well now be over after Rangers were deducted 10 points, leaving the club a mere 27 points ahead of third-place Motherwell.

“The SPL is accustomed to thriving on a two-horse race,” said Scottish wunderkid and occasional Aston Villa midfielder Barry Bannan, who left Celtic in 2004 citing exhaustion brought on by the excitement of playing football in Scotland.

“I’m worried about the impact of a one-horse race on sales of Tennent’s and sectarian rivalries, which – as everybody knows – are the lifeblood of the game.”

Football in Scotland has a fine history that stretches back to the days of William Wallace, when on one famous Christmas Day 30 tribes of rival warriors put aside their rivalries to play football, but only the two best tribes had any significant support or media interest.

In modern times the league has been streamlined, with only Rangers and Celtic games taking place and all other fixtures being determined by simulations using the PC game Ultimate Soccer Manager 98.

Former Aberdeen manger Alex Ferguson, who hasn’t set foot in Scotland for over a decade, remains optimistic about the future of the game north of the border, observing that Scottish football “bounced back” from the death of Gretna FC in 2008 and could do so gain.

“I can’t be the only one who enjoys looking at the SPL table towards the end of the season,” he said. “Any league in which you can finish below a team but have more points than them gets my vote.”

Scottish football administrators the SFA have taken time out from recording another album of idiosyncratic psychedelic rock to try to ensure that Rangers’ demise doesn’t impact too negatively on top flight football in the country.

Rumoured suggestions to stem the inevitable exodus of fans include never cancelling fixtures no matter how much snow has accumulated on the pitch and giving away free oatcakes on the turnstiles at every SPL ground.

Published February 17, 2012

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