Third place play-off faked to reassure children say embarrassed FIFA

DOCUMENTS LEAKED from Zurich today revealed that the World Cup’s third place play-off has never been played.

Many have long suspected that the idea of the losing semifinalists taking the time to play off against each other sounded unlikely, but until now no one had proof that the whole concept was a myth.

“I had always just taken my parents’ word for it,” said investigator Rob Chip. “It provided me with some consolation when I looked at the sad faces of the defeated semifinalists.

“Now we have proof, I suppose people will just have to toughen up and realise that bad things can happen to good people in life, and in international football tournaments.”

The myth has never previously been debunked because no one actually tuned in to watch the phantom matches, meaning the gap in broadcasting went unnoticed. It was widely assumed within FIFA that football fans would be happy just to know that the likes of Turkey and South Korea had had a lovely 90 minutes to bring their tournaments to a satisfying conclusion.

“It turns out it is just another urban myth,” said paranormal expert Michael Aspel. “Like Bob Holness playing sax on Baker Street, the Chuckle Brothers being brothers or Jason Orange and Howard Donald actually being the same man.”

FIFA haven’t yet said whether they will go through with the charade of pretending that there is a game between Germany and Uruguay later on today. A spokesman did rule out going ahead with the match for real, saying “that is the last thing anyone wants”.

Published July 10, 2010

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