Gaffer TXTs Archives

  • January 2012

  • IF ANY1 DESERVES DEATH IS PREMIER LEAGUE REFS! THAT WAS NEVER A RED!!!!111 - Smiley Rod, Burwash
  • I agree with Clive, sudden death penalties are super! - Stefan, Germany
  • First Glen Johnson steals toilet seat. Now Ant Worrall-Thompson steals cheese. I say bring back death penalty. - Clive, Humberside

  • December 2011

  • Manchester shud b ashamed wiv Europa League football, let's kick dem out of Premier League for letting us down - Rev. Tony Dyers, Walthamstow Abbey
  • If Suarez iz racist & I h8 Dagos, wot does that make me?!??! - Phillip, Surrey
  • How will January transfer window open if poor weather freezes it shut? - Concerned Martin, Melton Mowbray

  • September 2011

  • Please stop calling. I need some space - André, Kensington
  • Wenger needs to go, that's why he's always crossing his legs!!!!! - Gunner Gob, Islington
  • Can't answer, at theatre, what is it? - Craig, Cardiff

  • June 2011

  • Wayne Rooney wot a mug! Hair 2day, plum 2moro! Twat. - Gwendoline, Worcs
  • During summer why not watch a bit of tennis, or visit your local park? Personally, I like a break from the footy - Manish, Salford
  • Arsene Wenger shud shut his mouth. He is worst transfer gossip in da whole school! - Natalie, Southend

  • May 2011

  • Best way to defend against Messi is to remind him what happened in the Falklands 30 years ago - Carl, Didsbury
  • I think this whole Sectarian thing between Celtic & Rangers has gone far enough - Neil Lennon's postman, Glasgow
  • Can't believe Giggsy had sex with Jade from Big Brother, What a sicko. - Cat, Bakewell

  • April 2011

  • Rooney shouldn't have been banned, he didn't even say the cunt word - Big Merv, Chelsea
  • BORED XXX HOUSEWIVES - MAID OUTFIT - HOOVERING STORY - Andy Gray, Premier Inn, Barnsley
  • MAYBE REASON WENGER NVR SEES KEY INCIDENTS IS BECAUSE HE STOPPED WEARING GLASSES IN 1998! - Dr Bidet, Hamps
  • Ppl say FA Cup iz still importnt then how do dey expln Bltn Stoke in da semi final? Mugs - Grant, Camden
  • I think Paolo Sousa is great manager, he deserve big job in football in England. He has great record, also hear he still live in Midlands tho not in Leicester, would like big Prem club please - Mysterio, Leicester
  • If Prem is a truly global league then surely 1 in 6 players should be Chinese? - Potsworth, Lincoln

  • March 2011

  • Arsenal Quentin, Beirut - SPURS R ON THEIR WAY 2 WEMBLEY”, BT ONLY 4 COLDPLAY GIG COZ TEAM IS SHIT!
  • F Wi Aye, I'm gannin' doon toon wi Kev tonight - Andy, Newcastle like
  • Can we put that back to eight at Strada? I'm stuck in traffic. Thanks love - Nigel, Derby
  • Argyle til I die! I'm Argyle til I die! I know I am, but I'm not sure I am. Please help - Randy, Ukraine
  • 241 - David O'Leary, Dublin
  • At least the World Cup not coming to England means Milton Keynes will not get a football team - Jamie, Gillingham

  • February 2011

  • Chilesy, just because I'm not your manager any more I hope it doesn't mean we can't still be friends? - Roberto DM, Foggia
  • Tottenham are better off out of Stratford, the area is rife with knife crime and awful homeware shops - Dave, Harringay
  • SPURS DESERVE OLYMPIC STADIUM, PETER CROUCH IS SHOE-IN FOR HEIGHT (HIGH) JUMP! - Chas, Stratford
  • 4 words to all my haterz: "Because. I'm. worth. it." - Andy Carroll, Merseyside
  • Health and safety Nazis mean football political correctness has gone Broken Britain mad. I blame the immigrants - Peter Ndlovu, Hungerford
  • Karren, it's Richard. Please pick up, we need to talk xoxox - Keysy, Isleworth

  • January 2011

  • Whoever says that I am frightened of cats is a liar - Didier Drogba, Ashton under Lyme
  • Cricket is so shit they play it in the middle of the night. Wot is the point of that? - Gary, Eltham
  • Qatar r so shit they dont even no there shud b a u in their name - Craig, Bromley

  • November 2010

  • 241 Tuesdays at Papa John's! Any large pizza for £9.99, more great deals online - Papa John's, Mansfield branch
  • COLLYMORE: SHUT IT! U WERE SHIT PLAYER AND AS A PUNDIT SPOONY CUD DO BETTER IN HIS SLEEP. MUG! - Viscount Dobbs-Harrington III, Rural Staffs
  • What about a new rule for this year's Premier League - no foreigners? - Maeve, Costa Del Sol
  • With all the talk about the World Cup 2018 bid I'm worried that we're forgetting it's the Olympics next year - Lord and Lady Sebastian Coe, Walsall
  • Bobby is a dick! (sent from my iPad) - Jack Charlton, Chichester
  • RYAN GIGGS IZ ANSWER 2 ENGLAND'S LEFT SIDE PROBLEMS, Y HASN'T HE HAD HIS CHANCE UNDER CAPELLO? - Richey Manic, India

  • October 2010

  • Wot iz the point in Wigan? They r well shit m8!!!! - Barry, Barry
  • DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! DE-FENCE! - Brad Friedel, U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
  • Pls join my Facebook group - Marlon King you legend! - Jean, Cheam
  • This year's new shirts are horrifying. Whatever happened to global hypercolour? - Trendy Eric, Winchester
  • X-Factor is a joke, hardly any contestans have ‘x’ in name, where was my invite? - Abel Xavier, unattached
  • To the blonde in row F at Eastlands on Saturday - you're fit. Drink? - Wayne Bridge, Manchester

  • September 2010

  • Who is this? How did you get this number? - Rio, Merksville
  • The Doves rule! - Tim Lovejoy, England
  • My favourite meats, in order: lamb (shank), beef, bacon, kebab, gammon, lamb (cutlets), pork, chicken, child - Harry Redknapp, Tottingham

  • August 2010

  • England could learn a lot from successful athletics team. Let's give players vests and smaller shorts - Uncle Dave, Bingley
  • Has anyone got a charger for a Sony Ericisson? - Mark Hughes, Wales
  • Fqddddd333jgd252222222222222 - Sam Allardyce's pocket, France
  • I’d send them all back, personally - Big Ron, Space Station Mir
  • EVICT JEDWARD - Des Lynam, Grandstand

  • June 2010

  • After Aussie surrender looks like it's down to us or Yanks to defeat Germans ... again! - twoworldwarsandoneworldcup, Brentwood
  • Cant beleive Green had cheek to play relaxin game of golf in a fedora after wot he has dun. wheres his sense of shame?!! - Alec, Northampton
  • IDEA 4 FOOTY REALITY SHOW – FIND BLACKBURN’S NEW FULL BACK!!! CLD AV BIG SAM DNCNG, MORTEN GAMST-PED SNGNG, COL HENDRY 2 PRESENT!!! - Jason Wilcox, Blackburn
  • I hardly think 'Paki' can be considered racist. Whatever next, 'Wog'?! - Big Ron, the M6
  • Bringin video tech 2 football wud be waste of time, every1 i know has DVD now - Peter Jackson, New Zealand
  • Wot do Arsnl fans call their friends? Emi-MATES! (Emirates) {(becos they play @ Emirates)} - Funny Arthur, Zarglon B
  • I got cautioned 4 taking my shirt off once. IN TRAFALGAR SQUARE BY POLICE AFTER 8 PINTS! - Jeremy Pie, Lonely
  • Buenas noches señorita ¿Puedo cocinar un estofado de una noche de esta semana? Bueno bueno gracias ciao - Cesc, Ashburton Grove
  • United fans have fatter hands than anyone else. Fact - Scouse Francesca, Isle off Isle of Man

  • May 2010

  • There's no such thing as ghosts, there's no such thing as ghosts, there's no such thing ... - Joe Kinnear, Walford
  • I love you too xoxoxoxoxox - Paul Kitson, Mansfield
  • bolton? bollocks mor like - Richard, Bolton
  • Very sorry to hear about death of Steve Morrow, was a true entertainer and a gent off and on the pitch. Rumours that blighted him were cruel and untrue. RIP in peace - Crisps AFCWFC, USSR
  • I will fight any of you. Text 805050 for info - Big Dunc, Everton
  • Saw Dion Dublin on Waterloo and City line, refused to stand for pregnant lady. Cunt - Dave, Bank
  • CLARRISA XPLAINS IT ALL WAS MOST UNDERRATED SHOW OF 90s, WHAT IS MELISSA JOAN HART DOIN NOW? - Phil Jagielka, Stanley Park
  • Does anyone else really fancy Alan Wiley? I think he’s HOT! He can caution me for simulation any time he likes - Sandra, Middlebrook

  • April 2010

  • STOP - Steve Harper, Newcastle
  • Y DID SHADY INVESTORS PICK NOTTS CNTY? BECOZ ONLY OTHER TEAM IN TOWN IS NOTT'S POOREST! - Jim Davidson, Ruislip
  • Oi George Graham you mug yr car is illegally parked in disabled space at Chemlsfd Tesco. Sort it out! - Martin, Diss
  • ANSWR IS C 'MICHAEL THOMAS' WEN IZ WINNER ANNOUNCD? - Tiny Gerry, Hendon
  • Pound 4 pound Simply Red r still best British band of last 30 years, don't listen to h8ers Mick - Hilario, Cobham
  • Cheers Ian Crook 4 stories of glory days at Norwich. We may be League One now but no-one can knock our kit. Or pies - Ipswich Canary, Cape Town
  • KAMARA STREET SOCCER IS STREETS AHED OF OTHER FTBAL GAMES! BEST OVRHD KICKS EVER! - Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave
  • Dont undrstand Twittr. Cld sum1 hlp? Email Robbie (dot) Savage (at) hotmail (dot) com - Neil Lennon, Gateshead
  • If Liv and Hull joined forces they wud be Liverhull! Also: Arsenhull, Hullburn Rovers, & Manchester City. Thanx - Bored Tony, Northampton
  • Piss off Brentford, joke club, silly ground, and singe from Hard-Fi is worst celeb fan ever - Fulham Tony, Westfield
  • Ave u noticed dat u nvr see Nicky Butt and Paul Scholes in same room at same time? enuff said - Angry Boris, HM Prison Belmarsh