Cristiano Ronaldo admits forgetting to score against Blackburn

MANCHESTER UNITED winger Cristiano Ronaldo has apologised for “completely forgetting” to score a goal in Manchester United’s 1-1 draw with Blackburn this Saturday. Despite netting in United’s previous 309 league fixtures, Ronaldo inexplicably failed to add to his season’s tally of 38 goals at Ewood Park.

The Portuguese said that as early as last Wednesday he had decided to score this weekend, but embarrassingly it completely slipped his mind on the day of the game. “I will be honest, and say that in actual fact I was thinking about The Apprentice for most of the game,” a red-faced Ronaldo said. “It was a great episode this week, did you see it? That Raef, he is such an idiot! Although after today, maybe it is in actual fact me who is the one who should be fired by Sir Alex.”

An incensed Sir Alex ‘Alec’ Ferguson has so far failed to see the funny side, stating in his daily press conference: “I fail to see the funny side. I told Ron in the dressing room before the match, I was very clear about it: ‘Score a goal,’ I told him. It was a major part of our game plan today. We’d been working on scoring more goals than Blackburn all week in training, and then he goes and not scores. I can’t legislate for that.”

It is thought United will fine the player two weeks wages for the error, a punishment described by ex-Red Devil Paul Parker as “racist, but fair”. Parker knows the wrath that awaits a player disobeying Ferguson’s orders from his own experience, having been dropped from a pre-season tour of Switzerland in 1992 after failing to grow two inches over the summer break. Ferguson’s hard line approach was confirmed in 1999 when goalkeeper Massimo Taibi was sold after just four appearances, in a row over the Italian’s point-blank refusal to be Peter Schmeichel.

Published May 18, 2008

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